You Get What You Pay For In Draft Reviews and Preseason "Win" Odds... and Sometimes You Don't Get Anything At All!
These four gentlemen, in agreement with the management at Paragon Fantasy Football, have decided to offer their expertise on roster management, line-up decisions and general fantasy football issues/questions/advice.
This is a pro bono service though I'm all men would happily accept a nice bottle of single malt scotch whiskey if you were really appreciative of their advice.
Paragon Fantasy Football have a pair of resident draftniks who live and breathe fantasy football. They have kindly agreed to come on board here at PFFL, taking time out of their busy schedules to review and rate all of the rookie drafts that take place.
The Butcher as he is affectionately known to his friends (pictured back in his salad days), is a grizzled veteran of the draft scene who was out there reviewing NFL drafts while Mel Kiper was still a twinkle in somebodies eye. There are rumours suggesting that The Butcher was on hand to see Jay Berwanger selected No. 1 overall by the Philadelphia Eagles way back in 1936. The Butcher is a man of few words who won't pull any punches, always giving you the straight dope. He certainly is no shrinking violet and will come with the strong arm when necessary.
The Butcher is from the old school in many respects and would freely admit that he is a late bloomer when it comes to his interest in fantasy football. This was in fact how he first met Kurt. In The Butcher's first attempt at a redraft league, Kloppenburg immediately went to town on him, trash talking his 3rd round selection of TE Tony Gonzalez in their 2000 fantasy draft. This was far too early for a TE according to Kurt but this thinking outside of the box has always defined The Butcher's game and Gonzo's TE1 finish that year led to very respectable 2nd place finish in his first season of fantasy football. Kloppenburg's upstart Dayton Triangles pipped The Butcher's Hepcats by 3 points (132-129) in an epic Week 16 league championship match up that the good friends still talk about fondly to this day. Mutual respect for each other was forged immediately and a great partnership was born.
Kurt Kloppenburg is a young, fresh-faced up-and-comer who has recently turned down the advances of ESPN & NFL Network to team up with The Butcher to drop his knowledge on anyone and everyone who will listen.
A star was born early when as a 3 year old, Kurt was sitting with his father listening to the 1987 NFL draft on the radio when he correctly predicted the Los Angeles Rams 9th round selection Tracy Ham. Kurt possibly just wanted a sandwich though it started a love affair with the NFL draft & the game of football which has only grown over the years.
Kloppenburg is very knowledgeable but has a tendency to come completely out of left field with wildly inflammatory comments, hence why ESPN were courting him so strongly.
Kurt has been playing fantasy football since he was 7 years old. For a while there, it was not uncommon for Kloppenburg to play in 20-30 leagues a season. His strike rate was always excellent, winning at minimum of half a dozen leagues each year. Age and wisdom has sharpened the mind and these days, Kurt now limits himself to around 10 leagues per year, taking in all of the wonderful flavours that fantasy football has to offer including one hard core IDP auction/salary cap league with 80 man rosters and a 30 man taxi squad which must keep a minimum of 10 high school players, 10 college players and 10 NFL rookies. Kurt has won this league for the past 3 seasons and is hungry for more.
Gary Gnu has had a long and distinguished career in the world of journalism, but his passion is gambling and sports including the NFL.
He is not a man of many words – but you should listen to what he does have to say and he has offered up some free advice and service as a favour to his friends in the Paragon leagues.
Gary has a keen analytical mind and can quickly sum up any situation with a gambling slant. It is his overall grounding and knowledge which has allowed to take advantage of some very interesting betting plunges that have left many jaw dropping in admiration of his foresight.
Some of his more prominent betting plunges have been, picking the actual size of Pamela Anderson's breasts from one promo of Baywatch. Picking the number of, and type of sexually transmitted diseases Paris Hilton has (no one else was game enough to pick the lot) most recently backing Pippa at tight odds to have a better butt than her sister at the Royal Wedding – talk about a nice plunge. This seems to be a real niche market that Gary has taken advantage of - history shows some very big odds about the Williams sisters.
On the sporting arena – his triumphs are many and varied from the normal horse, NFL and football (That Maradona took drugs during his career) to successfully picking the number of drug cheats caught in the 2010 Tour de France (we know they all do it just depends on who gets caught), same could be said for wrestling right – everyone knows it’s fake but....
Some upcoming plunges you may want to take advantage that he has let slip in discussions over the past week.
Plaxico Burress to sign with a team this year. Lindsay Lohan to NEVER EVER get drunk again. Tom Brady to come out of the closet and announce his “relationship” with Bill Belichick. Brett Favre to stay retired – PLEASE........
Remember No Gnews, is Good Gnews, unless it’s Gary’s Gnews. I am Gary Gnu.
Victor Kalashnikov is a ex-Russian bookmaker who was involved in a Russian horse forgery. The below is a tale of why Victor left Russia to take residence in USA
Fine Cottonivich was a horse of limited abilities that was racing in the southern areas of Russia. The horse was eligible to race in restricted races (for horses with fewer than a certain number of wins) and even then had a poor record leading up to the substitution. Before the ring-in, Fine Cottonivich's last race was in a 1,200m Intermediate Handicap at a Yekaterinburg Wednesday meeting on 8 August 1984, where he carried 53.5 kg and started at 20-1. He ran 10th in a field of 12.
The scam involved a syndicate said to be headed by former bloodstock agent John Pillesgie, which purchased a horse that looked almost identical to Fine Cottonivich and performed better. Unfortunately for the syndicate, this horse was injured and unable to race when the ring-in was due to take place. Having already invested money and gone so far, the syndicate decided to find another horse. With time running out, they purchased a horse called Bold Personalitiski, an open-class horse several grades above Fine Cottonivich.
The syndicate faced a problem in that the horses were different colours. Fine Cottonivich was an eight year old brown gelding and had white markings on his hind legs, whereas Bold Personalitiski was a seven year old bay gelding with no markings. To overcome this issue, they applied Clairol hair colouring to Bold Personalitiski with limited success. On race day, having forgotten the peroxide to whiten the legs of Bold Personalitiski, they resorted to crudely applied white paint. These poorly conceived attempts to overcome the discrepancies in appearance between the two horses later served to highlight the amateurish nature of the scheme.
Victor was caught and banished from bookmaking in Russia moved to America to involve himself in the drug fueled trade of American sports. He opened up bookmaking firm and has been financially doing well while also being linked to numerous investigations into Baseball & Ice Hockey match fixing.